There Is More To IT
Before you get defensive about me going all 'personal development' on you, let me make it clear that there is more to this way of life than meets the eye. While it is true that many come seeking pleasure and fun, the truth of the matter that a great percentage are then drawn in further. They experience a taste of this life and want more. That is a wonderful thing to have happen. However, just knowing which side of the domination/submission equation that you are on is not enough.
I see so many who state that they are seeking a Dom (Master/sub/slave). Yet, rarely is anyone specific about what they want. Sure some will state they want particular physical traits or age category. Some even go so far as to tell you what they do not want. Many are clear, at least initially, of what their limits are. Nevertheless, these people never seem to get to the crux of the matter.
Domination is an art as well as a science. The concept of taking complete control of another requires experience and education on many different levels. Taking over someone physically (and sexually) is the easy part. Any meat head can do that. The ability to penetrate someone so deeply that he or she cedes total control is a different matter. This takes a great deal of time to learn. One's power to dominate at the psychological level is brought into question. Domination is a study completely unto itself.
Why do I bring this point up here? Simple. Many state they want someone to dominate them but have no idea how that is done. Therefore, they believe that lies in the hands of the Dom. Sadly, my experience is that most of them have no idea either. Anyone who submits to a person of this ilk is apt to find the relationship non-fulfilling. It will be magical for a while since the newness of someone taking control at the physical/sexual level is intoxicating. After that wears off, and it always does, one is left with nothing more than a kinky relationship.
Knowing Oneself
Knowing oneself is crucial. It is impossible to really begin a search for another until one is certain what it is he or she is looking for. The aforementioned example is perfectly suitable for many people. There is nothing wrong with having a BDSM relationship that is nothing more than enhanced sexual play...if that is what you want. Yet, if you are a person who desires to be dominated completely, then it best to get with someone who has that ability.
To show this in the reverse, consider the plight of the dominant. Are you one who seeks to control all aspects of one's life? If that is the case, you ought not mess with someone who is only seeking to enhance his/her sex life. This is an individual who will resist any efforts to go farther (if he/she remains true to that original desire). Relationships end regularly because there is a lack of consistency in the desires.
Another way this enters the picture is in the sub/slave scenario. I am a 'doubting Thomas' when it comes to slaves being what they proclaim. My firm belief is that the percentage of people who truly are capable of living as slaves is slim. Most are submissive but unable to produce the mindset required to truly be a slave. This creates a problem for someone like me who does not want to mess around with subs. I prefer the M/s compared to D/s situation. This is a personal preference and not meant to make the proclamation that one is better than the other. Nevertheless, one who comes to me lacking the ability to be a slave is not a prospect regardless of what she claims.
Fortunately, I am experienced enough to pick up on this. Most are not. There are many who enter into M/s relationships without a clear picture of what they seek. Often people seem willing to take the first person who will come along. This decision creates an assortment of other issues that I will not go into today. The bottom line is that failure to know oneself is paramount to being able to find a match.
The Spectrum
Once you begin to get an idea of yourself, then you can determine where on the spectrum you best fit into. Here again, we are dealing with something that is more than meets the proverbial eye. Most think that deciding that he or she is a slave (or Master), for example, is enough. Wrong. With the slave, what kind of slavery are you seeking. There are many avenues to pursue. Defining your desires as closely as possible is helpful.
Some desiring emotion filled relationships with someone who will not only be a Dom/Master/sub slave but also a husband or wife. At the same time, some see slaves as ones who are less than human and should be treated accordingly. Many are into the animal mindset while others take the objectification leading to property outlook. There are many different ways to view the same title. The question is where do you fit.
There are people at every stage of the spectrum. The key is to know what it is that makes you tick. In other words, how much of a relationship do you want with a person. The one who is seeking a marriage partner as well as a BDSM one is looking for something emotionally in depth. This differs from the one who seeks to simply be of service to another in the domestic sense and forgo the emotional. Again, neither is better than the other. It only matters what is best for you.
Knowing your place is a helpful thing to determine. Sadly, few ever look at it before they enter into a relationship. Most seem to do it backwards: they enter into relationships to determine what they desire. Is it any wonder that so many relationships fail? Spend the time doing the internal search to determine what you are about; it will save you many mistakes down the road.
