D/s Versus M/s

Today I am going to cover the most common types of BDSM relationships in terms of the breakdown of power. While there is always debate about this based upon the perspective of those involved, I am providing you with an oversight that I feel is commonplace. Any variations you encounter off this will still have the fundamental makeup of these two types.

The fundamental difference between a BDSM relationship and the traditional one is the power structure. In most relationships, the power breakdown is somewhat evenly split. The western culture now establishes romantic relationships with a 50/50 sharing of power. Each person is equal in theory. Of course, we know this is not the case since one person tends to take the lead via a stronger personality. Nevertheless, this shift will cause perhaps a 60/40 split which still remains somewhat close.

Those relationships where there is an extreme shift in power are considered unhealthy by society. This is commonly an abusive situation which is based upon fear. That leads to a development that is unhealthy and destructive. BDSM does not follow this model. Anything created based upon fear never will have a good outcome.

When one enters into a power exchange relationship in the BDSM world, it is consensual. One person is willingly giving control over to the other. In this scenario the individual(s) is operating under a D/s (Dom/sub) situation. The person who accepts the responsibility of control is the dominant while the giver is the submissive. Each person fulfills a role within the relationship.

Are D/s and M/s Different?

Now that you have a basic understanding of how the relationships are structured, I am going to enter into the controversial fray for a bit. In my opinion, D/s can be applied in two different ways. I see D/s as an encompassing umbrella that covers all power exchange relationships. Anyone who is involved in BDSM is either partaking in a dominant or a submissive role. Therefore, every BDSM relationship is covered under D/s.

However, there is a second way to view D/s. This relationship heading can also be applied to all BDSM relationships that do not go to the level of M/s. In this regard, a D/s and a M/s relationship differ. Of course, I will compound the confusion by stating that all M/s relationships are D/s in their nature.

Let's clarify this. M/s stands for Master/slave. This is an extreme relationship in terms of the power structure. Under a M/s scenario, all power lays with the Master. It is total and complete. No aspect of a slave's life is not subject to this unless the Master so desires to cede that power back. The basic expectation is that the Master takes total control. In turn, the slave gives it all up.

There is a subset of this lifestyle, in fact the largest, who do not live M/s. In their relationships, the submissive has some control over her life. While she gives it up in certain areas, there are things that are considered 'off limits'. This allows her to retain control throughout the process in that she can dictate certain things that are not acceptable. A slave does not have this option. Therefore, a different heading is required to differentiate between the two. Ergo, I title anyone who is not involved in M/s to be in a D/s situation. The partners are not Master/slave but, rather, Dom/sub.

Does It Really Matter?

Many wonder whether we are just dealing with semantics here and does this really matter in the grand scheme of things? They will make the claim that relationships are up to individuals who are free to terms things however they see fit. This is true. However, as one who is a promoter of the idea of BDSM as a lifestyle and who has dedicated himself to clearing up the misleading information that is posted, I feel this is a very important point to make.

We think in terms. Vocabulary is how we wrap our minds around certain concepts. Therefore, we need consistency in the terms that we utilize. The word 'slave' cannot mean anyone who is submissive because then every new submissive would claim he or she is a slave. This is incorrect. A slave reaches particular standards to be deemed that. Thus, every submissive is not a slave.

Knowing what type of relationship we are suited for helps in our search. Personally, I am involved in M/s. If one came to me calling herself a slave but was really only submissive, we would have problems (and believe it or not it has happened before). My idea of a power breakdown and hers are totally different. The two mindsets do not mix. Thus, one who calls herself something when in fact she means something else is apt to inadvertently mislead. Hence we get all the confusion.

Therefore, I will state that most people I see entering this lifestyle are apt to be involved in the D/s as opposed to M/s. My experience is that it is a small percentage who are truly Masters or slaves. This will help to reduce some of the mislabeling people commonly do. Consider yourself a candidate for D/s first and then see if you are willing to go the full length in terms of power breakdown. Understand there is a difference.